Quirky Contest Enthusiast T-Shirts

World's tallest potato contest

'I must say, that's the most pathetic bar promotion I've ever seen.'

Knobbly knees champion

Tug the Toggle

Cat Show: Sheds Most.

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

Football Crazy strip six

'The employee who guesses closest to the correct number of beans in this jar will be awarded this year's annual pay increase! -Management, ATOZ Accountants

"Rob is a functioning train wreck."

Sniffathon: The Dog world's version of a Kissathon

'Rhea of the Year.'

'What's wrong with you?'

It had taken a team of engineers at IBM over a decade and had cost more than 50 million dollars, but that nigh, when Eat-Bot 4000 finally broke the record for hot dogs in an hour, it was all worth it.

'It's just possible that the best candidate is the one who wins the Spoon Race.'

Hit a duck, win a prize.

'Congratulations. You're our 15th caller. The grant is yours!'

100m Flies Race: Entomological Olympiad.

"See. I told you they have Roomba Rodeos when we're gone."

"Wow, 27, not bad! Me, I've ruined 53 surfing competitions..."

"I can't help you with your chronic whistling. You don't need a psychiatrist, you need a musicologist!"

Annual Lump Festival Competition:'I don't know if I can give an award, they're all so fantastic..'

'The contest brought in only twenty two wrappers...'

I must say, that's the most pathetic bar promotion I've ever seen. Tuesdays! Wet Socks Contest!

"The inspector's not getting older. He's getting odder."

Circus News

'Fairy friday.'

Strange Wrestling

Square peg in a round hole: 'I say if it feels right, do it.'

'I'm doing a 'Win a Date with a Computer Geek' contest on my website.'

Abductee of the Month

"Thanks goodness, I thought she was pregnant?"

'The first Santa to consume one thousand warm beers and one thousand pieces of fruit cake without barfing wins the Santa apprenticeship!'

Golden Village: Lawn Mowing Races

'You're excited about winning a traveling toothbrush kit in a sweepstakes after spending $300 on postage and entering 1,500 contests?'