Quirky Memoirists Gifts

Made It! Without getting one tattoo.

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"Don't editorialize."

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

'And though he died during the hunt, we can only assume that George L Jones would want this new species of butt-faced clown monkey to forever bear his name.'

How I met your mother

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

'The end. Well, time for bed. What are you writing?'

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

"Really, Larry? Of all the things that could have bitten you, you get a wereduck?"

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

Hog Futures

4-Panel: (1) 'Did you read this article on cockroaches?' (2) 'It says scientists have confirmed conditioned reflexes in cockroaches, just like Pavlov's dogs. I don't know if I believe that!' (4) 'What's for dinner?'

Happy Birthday to you... Thanks guys!

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

Indian snake charmer charms a snake.

Centaur falls in love.

Chicken Funeral Planning.

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

"Just thought I'd let you know that the stars are in the exact same configuration as when Mary Shelley wrote 'Frankenstein'."

"Come with us to see the wizard. He can find you a brain!"

E M Forster.

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

Newton discovers surrealism

Harbor Hotel: 'Absolutely NO swashbuckling after 10 PM'.

"It's just thrived since I let it have Harry!"

'Remember the book about the scary monsters, Honey? Well, your father's relatives can't hurt you, either.'