Quirky Memoirists Gifts

Made It! Without getting one tattoo.

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"Don't editorialize."

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

'And though he died during the hunt, we can only assume that George L Jones would want this new species of butt-faced clown monkey to forever bear his name.'

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

How I met your mother

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

"Really, Larry? Of all the things that could have bitten you, you get a wereduck?"

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

Centaur falls in love.

4-Panel: (1) 'Did you read this article on cockroaches?' (2) 'It says scientists have confirmed conditioned reflexes in cockroaches, just like Pavlov's dogs. I don't know if I believe that!' (4) 'What's for dinner?'

Hog Futures

Indian snake charmer charms a snake.

E M Forster.

"Just thought I'd let you know that the stars are in the exact same configuration as when Mary Shelley wrote 'Frankenstein'."

Happy Birthday to you... Thanks guys!

"Come with us to see the wizard. He can find you a brain!"

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

Chicken Funeral Planning.

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

Newton discovers surrealism

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

Harbor Hotel: 'Absolutely NO swashbuckling after 10 PM'.

'Remember the book about the scary monsters, Honey? Well, your father's relatives can't hurt you, either.'

"I'm so glad you suggested we insert his heart on Valentine's Day!"