Quirky Novelist Gifts

"Don't editorialize."

"Just thought I'd let you know that the stars are in the exact same configuration as when Mary Shelley wrote 'Frankenstein'."

'Sorry - I'm saving all my small talk for my novel.'

E M Forster.

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

Graffiti artists signs his memoirs in bookshop.

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

How I met your mother

"Hell, Mom! How's it look?!" "Holy mackerel."

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

Fuzz - Fuzzy writes a song with a positive message.

Fishing.

Meet the author Billy Bovine.

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

'A little squirt like Graubart would theorize that the Universe is contracting!'

Dummies for Dummies.

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

"Your article on the safe storage of combustibles is quite good, but I think you should leave out the part about the wicked witch setting you on fire."

Indian snake charmer charms a snake.

'A book very interesting'

"Come with us to see the wizard. He can find you a brain!"

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

Chicken Funeral Planning.

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

Nobody's reding our company blog,we need you to have sex with Mrs Miggins so that we can spice it up!

Hog Futures