Quirky Meme Lover Pillows

'Ssssssh! There it is again. Hear that? It sounds like a muffled scream.'

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"You left this on our ship."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

"I love you, you big fool."

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

'The school bus drove off without me. The driver said she couldn't allow one more peanut butter sandwich on her bus.'

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

Blind man walking a tortoise.

Introducing...Anagraman.

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

"Fresh pepper?"

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

My parents ate New York and all I got was this stupid t-shirt

'Check out the old dude.'

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards