Quirky Meme Lover Gifts

'Ssssssh! There it is again. Hear that? It sounds like a muffled scream.'

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

"You left this on our ship."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Party Twenty Three

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

"I love you, you big fool."

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

'The school bus drove off without me. The driver said she couldn't allow one more peanut butter sandwich on her bus.'

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

Introducing...Anagraman.

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

Astral Projection

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

"Fresh pepper?"

Blind man walking a tortoise.

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

'Check out the old dude.'

Next year, we are NOT going to Costco.

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

My parents ate New York and all I got was this stupid t-shirt

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards