Quirky Mathematician T-Shirts

'Very good, Jeffrey! - You are so creative!'

Alternative Accountants

New math.

'The math is more complex this year and some of you won't be able to just tap out your answers anymore.'

"No, that's just wrong. It's not "thinking outside the box'.''

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

The theory that ‘Time is Relative' came to the professor during a Decelerated Math Class.

"Actually, I used them as collateral for a loan."

Reverse Ageing Laboratory

"What lead you to growing human tests in a test tube?"

"Well, you say it's wrong, but it could be correct in an alternative universe."

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

Subatomic particles

"I love the equation that describes the slope of your nose."

'It's not a desert island - it's Australia.'

'This way, we'll always have rose petals on the bed. Pretty romantic, huh?'

Genetic Fingerprinting.

Pavlov's Cat

Biologists often consult with microbiologists.

'A little squirt like Graubart would theorize that the Universe is contracting!'

'That's interesting -- I seem to have discovered the gene that makes people want to become geneticists.'

'The batteries in my calculator just died. Good thing I kept the instructions on how to count on my fingers.'

'Quickly boy, tell me which test tube you drank from?!'

Cloning Laboratory: 'I never thought I'd work here.'

Great progress has been made in the science of genetic clowning.

'I'm left brained and I needed some right brains.'

"These are smart socks. They will crawl themselves to the clothes hamper when you throw them on the floor. Make sure they're charged before wearing them."

Absurd motorbike

Man Tries Use Telescope In Observatory As Cannon.

'Periodic table and avoirdupois weight of the Mendeleev family'

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

Carl Wilhelm Scheele: "There was a great display of ores and minerals...I could not write with a molybdenite pencil."

'I suppose if we had some money we could buy sand from each other.'

The average taxpayer will ultimately embrace the auto industry bailout. Hell, we sold em all that useless undercoating for all these years!