Quirky Lifestyle Commentator Gifts

'That's the thing when you start living with someone - you discover all of their little habits.'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Optimist

Turtle Trailer Court

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

"Shower beers? Aisle eight."

"When Harold first said he identified as a balloon animal I thought it was just a phase, but here we are fifteen years later and it seems to be working."

"One group gets tiny copies of the 'Times,' the other gets tiny copies of the 'Post.'"

Expressions of mystery.

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Goodnight Social Media.

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

You heard right - one large cheese pizza, and tell the driver to take it out of the box and leave it in the yard,

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

"Aha! - Proof that this is definitely an iron-age site..."

Yeah, I'm standing here alone yelling a bunch of nonsense. If I had a cell phone, you wouldn't bother me!

'I need my lifestyle validated.'

'I like it.'

Renaissance Zone

'A shocking report shows more marriages are ending in divorce than decapitation. Could this be the end of traditional marriage, as we know it? More on that. . .after the break!'

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

The Phenomenon of Absolute Power, Expressed as a Geometric Curve.

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

Funeral for a Cartoonist

'Slow and hurl.'

"Two minutes out of the water and he's already evolvier-than-thou."

T-Shirts. Just do it. Just watch it.

'Jill, come take a look at Mr. Bolinder's EKG!'