Quirky Job References Pillows

'Scoutmasters aren't usually used as references.'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

"Get me a young fella-me-lad with a jib I like the cut of."

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

Urine Catcher

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

Dexter Flynn, Taxidermy Attorney.

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

'I see Charlie's moonlighting again.'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

"Mum, can I work in a morgue"

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

'Looks like the sexton position is still vacant.'

Latrinologist

"Any other strengths?"

'I'd prefer to work from home. I'm under house arrest.'

'Do you have any job references that aren't imaginary?'

'This accountant will do.'

"Yours is a most impressive résumé, and you've scented it with beef."

'My resume has a scratch and sniff section.'

"Don't exhale while you're in there - he has a thing about germs."

A sign you're not applying at a fortune 500 company...