Quirky Garden Curator Gifts

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

Bonsai tree held up by matchstick

'The attendant is very good. I tip him the occasional sparrow.'

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

"I don't know the Latin, but the common name is climbing onion."

Gianni Tatti's Dining-Room Chair

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

'I'm in the amusingly shaped vegetables department.'

"Bootsy has welcomed the vacuum robot into our home in her own unique way."

'Remove the fur and claws and these genetically engineered apples taste just fine.'

Industrial Beautification van

Planting Bird Seed.

Mowing the Bottle-Garden

City Zoo: 'Try our exotic composts in your garden.'

"Their entire planet is coated in things called doodads, tchotchkes, trinkets, knick-knacks, bric-a-brac, and clutter."

"I can't believe I went so long without A.C."

E-commerce for shoplifters.

'What on earth made you think of growing water melons in the bath Henry?'

'You've never forgotten that Elsie Turner, have you George!'

Clown watering his flowers.

'Well Miss Pearson, this flood resistant GM Maize you've developed is pure genius. Giving it gills was a masterstroke'

Bonsai farms: 'We started growing normal trees, but it didn't work out!'

"The cat was there."

Private View.

'I tried to tell him I didn't think it was a tomato.'

Football fan

Cactus Man.

'My God, you're right - they are all back issues of TV guide.'

Man with a sunflower head watering flowers with human faces.

The Golfer Gardener