Quirky Food Lover Pillows

Waitrose stock non standardised fruit.

"All of our menu items have a tobacco-juice base."

Cheese in a Can.

'If I were you I wouldn't eat this on an empty stomach.'

"We're very strict. No soy milk, no veggie burgers, no margarine... nothing that even looks like an animal product."

Tzatzikicicle

Parisian Bohemians - Proprietor of a rabbit restaurant catching stray cats

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

De ja vu soup - 'It was yesterday's 'soup of the day'.'

'I'm putting the scalpels in the freezer now, so that come lunchtime, you can make cold cuts.'

'Oswald? The last I heard, he was covered with chocolate and canned.'

NERD SEED 50 CENTS

'How would you like that veggieburger...deep fried in lard, or smothered with bacon bits or salami slices?'

'If it walks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, it's a genetically modified potato.'

'My brains and your rice pudding we could corner the glue market.'

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

'Can I have a Banana-Split' without the ice-cream?'

Kentucky Fried Horse

"So, I went into this fancy new butcher shop and they were selling ostrich of all things!"

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

"It's a combination of pizza and sushi and taco and egg roll and...it's just something everyone loves."

'I don't eat red meat. That's ok, this is gone green.'

Ice Cream Flavors

Early bird special - Grilled Pterodactyl.

"Is everything all right? Any reactions to the irradiated carrots, the transgenic tomatoes, or the antibiotics in the chicken?"

"The insect menu is very popular nowadays."

Roadkill Restaurant

'What on earth is this? Hedgehog soup.'

'How d'you want your eggs - down your pants, over your head...?'

Okay... which one of you ordered the holy mackerel?

Fast Food Restaurant

"Nice going, Larry. They're going in after your liverwurst and sardine sandwich that fell behind the fridge last month."

'O.K. Smarty Pants, here's your fish, cheese, egg, strawberry jam and pickle sandwich with a topping of ice cream and mustard. Pay up!'

Eye of Newt Helper

Salvador Deli