Quirky Family Advocate Pillows

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

'I think it's about time we tell him he's adopted.'

"How is it gendered?"

"Where's your nose?"

Dogs Aren't/Are Just For Christmas

'Oh God I hope that bunch of rednecks aren't waving at me!'

'I'm glad you're getting so into science, son, but you'll have to ask your teacher about this... jjunnetics thing.'

'That kid! He forgot it again!'

"Mum can you come home quick, dad's started to make an exhibition of himself again!"

"Geese fly in a V, son--attorneys fly in a wedge."

'Now, you've been naughty, you're in time out! I'll turn you over in five minutes!'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'I'm here, Mom, hanging out with some friends.'

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.

You and your alternative pregnancy.

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

"Everyone here is alive because I got laid."

'Congratulations! It's an omelette!'

"I'll explain later."

Boho Bribes

'for the record, it tasted like black licorice.'

"Have you seen his sippy skull?"

Mum, Dad, I've met something...

'No kid, I don't remember your mother! Christ, I've impregnated DOZENS of test-tubes!'

'Yeah, my Mum is a clean-freak too: I have to wash my food before I eat it...'

'Hello? Animal control?'

Newton's Cradle

"This may surprise you, Worthington, but I'm a man who believes that nothing in life is as important as family."

At home with the Cone family.

The First In-Law of Thermodynamics.

Banana Costume