Quirky Donor Pillows

'Can I choose which brick you name after me?'

"I told him he was allowed one phone call. He's making a pledge to Channel 13."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

'I like scientists: They are genuinely interested in every mundane thing we do and keep detailed records...'

"Excuse me ma'am, may I help you cross the road so that I can get the answer to this dumb joke my friend keeps telling?"

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

Giraffe Selfie

Penguin Remote

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

"I've already made arrangements to be flushed down the toilet."

"A cactus! Darling, you're such a romantic..."

"It's not a moustache kiddo: It's nasal hair..."

'Darling, I want you to have this lock of my hair to remind you how much I love you.'

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

"Recycled, Wayne, we'd prefer 'recycled'."

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

Cow Christmas anxiety dreams!

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

Frankenstein's Monster receiving birthday present.

"Just pick one!! We're already late!!"

WC problem.

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

"Sayyy - you've had some work done!"

Live Flower/Vase Flower - 'Julia?'

'It's just a precaution, the anesthetist can't find his wedding ring.'

Masky Christmas!

"My Lord, you said you'd walk with me, but I only see one set of footprints."

'Well, fancy meeting you here.'

'One more thing -- My Dad says that if you bring me one more 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' tape, he'll rip off your beard and set fire to it.'