Quirky Donor Pillows

'Can I choose which brick you name after me?'

"I told him he was allowed one phone call. He's making a pledge to Channel 13."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Mighty Man Of Justice Goes Christmas Shopping Part 1

'I like scientists: They are genuinely interested in every mundane thing we do and keep detailed records...'

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

"Excuse me ma'am, may I help you cross the road so that I can get the answer to this dumb joke my friend keeps telling?"

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

Penguin Remote

Giraffe Selfie

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

"I've already made arrangements to be flushed down the toilet."

'Darling, I want you to have this lock of my hair to remind you how much I love you.'

"It's not a moustache kiddo: It's nasal hair..."

"Recycled, Wayne, we'd prefer 'recycled'."

"A cactus! Darling, you're such a romantic..."

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

Frankenstein's Monster receiving birthday present.

Cow Christmas anxiety dreams!

WC problem.

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

"Just pick one!! We're already late!!"

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

"Sayyy - you've had some work done!"

Live Flower/Vase Flower - 'Julia?'

"This locket contains my very first username and password."

Knowing that Roger loathed the new cat, Janelle tried to win him over by knitting him a pair of boxers made out of fur balls.

'One more thing -- My Dad says that if you bring me one more 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' tape, he'll rip off your beard and set fire to it.'

"...now she's up tp a jumper a week."

'Well, fancy meeting you here.'