Quirky Diagnosis Fan Gifts

'In the medical world you and I are going to be famous.'

"Yes, I know they fit, it's just not what I pictured for a three car garage!"

'He's very particular about how far we walk.'

'Focus! Focus! You've just gotta' forget about their home ground advantage.

"Do you have a family history of this condition?"

"Mr. Wilson? I'm Dr. Bradshaw. Please come in."

Crazy paving company.

Sewing Machines in Surgery

"I'm going to prescribe medical marijuana and sour cream & onion tortilla chips."

"This one is really unusual. We have to remove a horseshoe from a guy's naval."

"I looked up your rash online. Have you recently been to one of the moons of Saturn? Or, it could just be poison ivy."

Showbiz

Freak Accident Specialist

"She has to find just the right spot."

"Well, your reflexes are fine."

'That's curious, Mr Van Der Pummen...up to question 2084 you seem entirely normal, but then after 2085 you suddenly go to pieces!'

Dave wanted to make sure that he'd be able to blow out all the candles on his cake.

Solar powered sunbed.

Man on desert island asks for a lighter rather than a rescue.

Silhouettes

"Guess what I say today!!"

"How's the self-diagnosis coming?"

"When did the flies around here start getting tiny little airbags?"

Early bagpipes prototype show Scottish man playing a wailing cat.

I'll trade you my phone for a latte. Pardon? You'll love it. It's vintage. A collector's item. It's from 1998. I bought it from a really old man in a magic shop last year. No deal. Come on! It's not like the shop vanished as soon as I left it. And it's not like I keep getting mysterious late-night calls on it from people in 1998 who keep telling me jokes I've already heard a million times. And it's not like the magic shop man told me I can only get rid of the phone by selling it or trading it. R

"I've been wanting you two to meet. You both have the same seasonal allergies."

Armstrong, I'm not qualified to give you dating advice. When it comes to that stuff, I'm the WORST. Why not ask Randy? Because Randy's advice is as good as it gets. There's nothing to improve on, so it's a bad investment. But if someone gives me glaringly bad advice, I can easily spot the errors, correct them, and compile it all into a best-selling advice book. Dating tip #1: Dating is not an investment. Beautiful. Keep 'em coming.

'Meet Regan the vegan, Ray the gay and Tommie the commie.'

Hospital Sign: Admissions, Outpatient, Drive Thru.

"We lost our grant and now look."

"Sometimes I'll open a random safe deposit box and fart in it."

'I give it three, maybe four innings before the other team complains and we get a call from the commissioner.'

'It's like a regular pair of pants, but they have asbestos pockets so money won't burn a hole in them.'

"Okay lets close up. Oooh wait...wishbone!"

'And this is a braille message for the blind.'