Quirky Comedy Buff Pillows

Unlikely Fly Scenario

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

"You left this on our ship."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

Cow talking to dog: 'What...You eat your own...?!'

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Glance Exchange

Optimist

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"It's just a tree."

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

Scene from 'Night of the Koala'