Quirky Christians Gifts

Instant Baptisms

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

"Instagram . . . weAPPon of mass distraction."

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

"What - no alcohol, no women, no swearing? I want you to say 950 prayers as punishment for wasting your life!"

Minister's File

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

"His sermon last Sunday, 'The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth,' had them rolling in the aisles."

A virtue of vicars

"Reading the Sunday Funnies 'religiously' does not count as worship."

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

Church: 'We reserve the right to refuse salvation to anyone.'

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

"Is your church up for the 'Best Media Coverage' award?"

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

Church Open 51 Sundays Per Year, Closed Superbowl Sunday

REPENT, 'Hey! -- Go find your own corner!'

'Don't worry it's safe, the baptismal is filled with hand sanitizer."

"A representative from headquarters to see you, sir."

Jesus Fish