Quirky Catholic Gifts

"New drive-thru confessional!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

I always feel so short when you wear heels.

Sports Day at the Monastery

Pope Benedict at Easter

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

"I hate these walkabouts. Did you remember to get me some corn plasters?"

Holy Water and Ice Blocks

'Confessing your sins in a folk ballad was an interesting idea, Larry, but I'm afraid your singing has forced me to add one more sin to your list!'

Instant Baptisms

"It's OK, darling - Granny's crying happy tears."

Confessional TV.

Exorcism and Other Jobs.

Fundamentalist sex ed: people come from ribs, as Adam and Eve.

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'Thou shalt make room for donuts...it's a new commandment for the Church of Danae.'

'Create Adam before Eve -- He'll need some time to clean up around there a little first.'

"If push comes to shove, I bet you could do some damage with the plowshare."

Collection plate at church with signs of the credit cards the church will take.

'You make 23,725 little mistakes, they never let you forget it.'

"The Pope said nope!"

'The invitation says casual but of course you don't do casual do you.'

"Geoffrey's joined a Lack of Personality cult."

"I ate one of my buddies, but he'd been dead a week or so..."

Pope still on tight shedule.

'Lord, we worship the water you walk on.'

Roman Catholic Guilt Trips

Beware of God.