Quirks Pillows

"Pushing buttons with anything other than your index finger is an affectation."

"I mean, I believe that you are odd. You certainly qualify for oddness. But that may not be enough. It's a very tough world out there."

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Great British Eccentrics.

Alice in Wonderland: The Queen Turns into a Pack of Cards.

Best before 65 million BC.

Ralph spent his Sundays in the park gathering nuts.

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"The man who invented autocorrect died from the corona vibrator."

"Our bond is stronger because we chose each other."

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

Freaks of nature exhibit.

A Knight Arrives at a Boiling Lake Filled with Monsters (Don Quixote).

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

We're making progress building a staff for the palace. The king's lawyer and accountant has sealed lips, of course. Putting a big heart in the charity foundation chief, and building the gardener with a green thumb were excellent choices, Ernie. But the entertainers sill need some fixes. The jester doesn't have a funny bone. I'm nobody's fool. And you have the minstrel a tin ear! Oops.

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

'Oh, I don't have a problem, doc. My friend here has a problem.'

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

Dick's hobby of collecting manhole covers kept him out of trouble... except of the hernias.

Horny Nanny Seeks Lonely Goat Herd.

Customer to skin artist: 'Can I just get a tattoo of a body piercing?'

It's a good thing our neighbors don't know what weirdos we are.

Real Estate Personals

Children's Book Publisher. It should be good for lots or repeat sales

"I've heard a lot about you - all nutty, of course."

'If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it' actually a gene-modified flounder.'

"And now, Bach's Brandenburg Concerto, Number One, first movement."

'Well, you make it sound silly. All my new hybriproducts are unique and useful.'

What's Their Secret?

The not so secret life of Walter Mitty

"I'll kill you if you crack your knuckles again."

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'