Quirk Chef Pillows

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

Bangers and Mash

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'I know! It's what I had last night for dinner.'

"The man who invented autocorrect died from the corona vibrator."

"Our bond is stronger because we chose each other."

GMOs: The Next Generation

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

Stupid Microwave

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."

Amy Sedaris

'Oh, I don't have a problem, doc. My friend here has a problem.'

Kentucky Fried Horse

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

Dick's hobby of collecting manhole covers kept him out of trouble... except of the hernias.

"So, I went into this fancy new butcher shop and they were selling ostrich of all things!"

Horny Nanny Seeks Lonely Goat Herd.

It's a good thing our neighbors don't know what weirdos we are.

Customer to skin artist: 'Can I just get a tattoo of a body piercing?'

"Tastes great, less killing!"

"Hi, Honey. For dinner we're having Shis Kabob."

'Today's special is yesterday's left-overs.'

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

"It's something I made myself - chocolate covered veggies."

"You had too many characters in your last tweet."

The Criminally Insane Gourmet.

'What the devil is that?

'White beetroot?' 'I bleached them.'