Quippy Marketer Gifts

"This is our new Model 240. It does everything theirs does, and it makes a great-looking hat."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

"That's our new church mascot."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

"Now the first thing you have to do is to get a client's attention."

A bar selling 'crafty' beer is more popular than a bar selling 'craft' beer.

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

Floss Street Vendor

"We can succeed if our target audience is not made up of rational human beings."

These Sales Reps get more aggressive every year.

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

Everything for a buck.

'The good news is consumer confidence is up. And the REALLY good news is consumer gullibility is Way up.'

'It's the philosophy of the company that truth in advertising begins at home.'

'I'm sending him out to drum up new business.'

'But what do you sell?'

'Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public. Ethical advertising uses the truth to deceive the public.'

"Love's OK, but there's no money in it. For the right price, I could help people fall in love with your products."

Child selling cold lemonade in the winter

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'

"Monsieur Proust, we would like to discuss product placement for one of our cakes...."

'Great now put the company logo on the togas and make the building in back look like the Parthenon.'

Doomsday marketing

The refinancing didn't come through -- I say we just walk away from the project.

"I didn't think much of the plot, but I like the product placement."

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

"Let's be honest here and admit we're targeting the 'stupid-with-their-money' demographic."

'...hmm ...I predict an upturn in profits this year.'

A building covered in signs reading 'boats'.

'Why don't we do what we always do when sales lag, write 'New and improved' on the box...'

'Now there goes a good Salesman...!'

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