Quippy Customer Service Gifts

'At least, the customers still remember our company, our products and me...'

Backfire

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'Is the water cold?'

"If you are a Democrat, Mrs. Hooper-Smith does the Macarena during your pancakes."

'My dentist recommended it.'

Access Denied!

"You've got termites."

"Wife and two hernias to support!"

'It says 'three percent split infititives, 8 percent passive verbs, 16 percent compound-complex sentences,average sentence length 26 words,paperback rights $3.2 million,movie sales $8.3 million,total take $11.5 million,less 5 percent agents fees.'

"Larry, did you water the plant?"

Penfriend

Honeymoon

'Waiter, a café with chairs, tables and two coffees please!'

'I got 50p - how much did you get?'

"But we had stir-fry last night and the night before."

'Why don't you get Tommy to help you carry that?' 'He's inside there carrying the clothes.'

"This is our new Model 240. It does everything theirs does, and it makes a great-looking hat."

'If a rooster can crow why can't a crow rooster?'

"We'd like you to be the quirky but lovable teen-age daughter,"

'You'll have to make do with those until yours come back from the service department.'

Home Business - Safe.

'Dill! Stop being a freakish modern day cow-relic chewing throwback! Ok?'

Last Post

'Yup, that was one ingrown toenail!'

"As your advertising agency I recommend a cow as a mascot for you hockey team. Because cows do not have upper teeth."

"The crystal ball is to indicate when a waiter will next be in this vicinity."