Quick Shopper Gifts

Remember, son, we're men. We walk in. We buy. We walk out. No browsing. Sweaters. (Originally published on 2008-01-14).

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

"That's odd. I visited an antibacterial soap website, and my computer got a virus."

"Wait a sec, I have a coupon around here somewhere."

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

"So, do you want balls that only go up, or ones that only go down?"

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

Unfinished Funiture Store.

Happiness is spending late summer afternoon on a buying binge at the iPhone app store.

Supermarket - World Cup Specials

Unusual Offers

Twas the week before Christmas and all thru the house

"Okay, lets see what we have here."

Your Entire Life Delivered To Your Door!

Gracious, child...bubbling cauldrons of potions are old hat. I get mine over the internet, delivered frozen and ready for the microwave!

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

I e-bay t-shirt.

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

Armstrong, the new Ybox game console comes out next week. I've got to get in line at Computer Villa. Nope. You are callous and inhumane. Fortunately, I have a backup plan. Computer Villa sale! If anyone cuts, chew their nose off.

'Triple-headed razors?... Aisle seven.'

'Please enter your pin now.'

Starbucks doubles its sales by devising a way to sell coffee over the Internet,

"Does it come with magnets?"

"What's the cheapest thing we can order and still get a box?"

Jumble Sale

"It looked different on the internet."

You Shouldn't Have

The Evolution Of Man - Hunt and Gather/Point and Click

'Enough EBAY already!'

'Gee, these are great, are they dishwasher proof?'

Complex Carbs

'Can we move the beef jerky a smidge and display our organic cleanser?'

"It's just not the same."

Pet shop with recipes stand outside.

"My Doordash driver is at the front gate."