Speedy Shopper Gifts

Grab your stuff and pay and get out of here convenience store.

Target run

'They're very easy to use - just remember not to press the large button marked 'Nitro' '

I thought you said Megson couldn't be bought.

"The only thing that's not gone up is the pound."

"The Box is bigger, the contents smaller, increased the price and called it improved."

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

STRIP Hambone: Expensive repair job

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations became savvy consumers, then they lived reasonably contented forever after.'

"Spend a pound, lend a pound, risk a pound and shed a pound."

Complex Carbs

'Just a minute, officer. I found a loophole in this law book!'

'We're going to need a bigger basket.'

'I wish you'd buy another hat!'

I'm not buying a $25 set of boring hooded towels off a big box store baby shower registry. Mom fights the man! The local baby boutique will have a hipper selection. So true! Catch those adorable all-organic, artist-designed towels! Cute! And only $55 each! My pretentions are never cheap!

Birthday Party Supplies: Plates, Cups, Decorations, Games, Aspirin, Ibuprofen.

"Sales of our festive toilet cleaner have gone through the floor...it makes you worry that people have forgotten what the festive season is ALL ABOUT!"

'Going into business sale' at a jeweler's.

'My wife doesn't just allow for inflation - she helps it along.'

'How come they're making size 16 smaller these days?'

"Most of it is the same, but if you look here you'll see that the price is twice as big"

"My husband can carry up to fifty times his body weight: he's great to go shopping with..."

"People seem to be saying, Christmas is early, much earlier than they did last year."

Sweaters. Remember, son, we're men. We walk in, we buy, we walk out. No browsing.

You Can Afford 8 Less Products Each Week

"This new grocery store is divided into two sections: organic and things I can afford."

'Trust in God, but count your change.'

'Cutting prices by shrinking pack sizes. Hey! It's not that bad after all!'

$65 for a frozen turkey. . . 9 bucks for a sleigh ride.

"I bought this one behind my art consultant's back."

'This new breakfast cereal is too expensive.'

'Come on, Raymond, we haven't reached our credit limit yet!'

We just buy one gallon of whole milk - only the very rich can afford to buy 50 gallons of 2%.

'I don't CARE if they were marked down 35 percent. That set of drapes goes back to the store!'

'Why is it when they reduce the calories in a product, they always increase the price?'