Quick Quipper Gifts

"What town are we in??"

'Your package has to be in Kansas City by Friday? - Well, aren't YOU a needy fellow!'

Backfire

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

"Bed Spread"

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'Is the water cold?'

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

"Can you hurry up with that will? I don't have all day."

Attack Of The Guy From The Other Room

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

Access Denied!

Death Watch

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

The refinancing didn't come through -- I say we just walk away from the project.

'I mean, how totally lame is this? Just as the marketing for our new video game was about to go viral, the Center for Disease Control shut us down!'

"We've agreed to count it as both a wave and a particle for tax purposes."

Over. Under. Sideways. Kid.

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

"Photons have mass, but their rest mass is zero."

Pandemic playhouse.

Josh tests his theory that by driving backward through a quick-pass toll lane, he can get money ADDED to his credit card account.

'I got 50p - how much did you get?'

"But we had stir-fry last night and the night before."

Gordon Ramsay's Own Brand

The light at the end of the tunnel just got switched off.

"Don't be such a stick-in-the-mud, Harold. You're holding up the whole group."

'I still have a soft spot for my ex- like quicksand!'

Hanging Fire

Where milkweed comes from.

Last Post

"I didn't know how to complete a crossword until I filled in all the blanks..."