Culinary Quipper Gifts

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

To do before Saturday...

Lockdown casserole

'How is the water prepared?'

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

Kentucky Fried Horse

"Wow! The big guy! And what kind of B.T.U.s am I looking at here?"

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

"So, I went into this fancy new butcher shop and they were selling ostrich of all things!"

Cheese Secret

'Cook is a musician. Improvises. Never makes the same thing twice.'

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

'I'm going to bake you a sponge cake...where do we keep the sponges?'

"Don't tell him anything."

A balanced diet is a Cherry Cheesecake in each hand.

Access Denied!

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

"The insect menu is very popular nowadays."

"Is everything all right? Any reactions to the irradiated carrots, the transgenic tomatoes, or the antibiotics in the chicken?"

Roadkill Restaurant

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

Chernobyl Chow

'I'm sorry, sir, but cheeseburgers are out of season.'

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

Salvador Deli

Eating raw cake mix.

Death Watch

"The body is eighty-two-per-cent broth."