Culinary Quipper Gifts

Gordon Ramsay's Own Brand

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

To do before Saturday...

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

Lockdown casserole

'How is the water prepared?'

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

Kentucky Fried Horse

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

Cheese Secret

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

"So, I went into this fancy new butcher shop and they were selling ostrich of all things!"

"Wow! The big guy! And what kind of B.T.U.s am I looking at here?"

"Don't tell him anything."

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

'Cook is a musician. Improvises. Never makes the same thing twice.'

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

'I'm going to bake you a sponge cake...where do we keep the sponges?'

Cooking With Pollock.

Access Denied!

A balanced diet is a Cherry Cheesecake in each hand.

"Is everything all right? Any reactions to the irradiated carrots, the transgenic tomatoes, or the antibiotics in the chicken?"

"The insect menu is very popular nowadays."

Roadkill Restaurant

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

Octopi a la mode.

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

Chernobyl Chow

'I'm sorry, sir, but cheeseburgers are out of season.'

Salvador Deli

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

Death Watch

Eating raw cake mix.