Questioning Guru Gifts

"But before I ask your name can I just check with HR that it's an appropriate line of questioning?"

'Hey! What's the big idea!?!'

'It's not surprising. The production department is in Spain, the warehouse is in Korea, the accounting division is in Bolivia, the board of directors is in Canada.'

"Liife! Give my conversation Liife!"

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

"I don't know why we try so hard to get the right answers. There isn't even a prize."

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

'We're looking for someone who can multitask - but not during the interview.'

'Of course we're a global corporation. We have mail drops throughout the world.'

'Just decaning the wine, Dear; I'll be in, in a sec. Someone's at the door; and oh, yeah, the dog needs to be let in.'

Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

'Yes, I am looking for an ambitious person and no,I don't have any plans to retire in the near future.'

"What do you mean you quit? You're not even hired yet."

'Today could well be the day...the day on which the world leaders turn to me to solve their problems...they might just leave it till tomorrow.'

"And your Specialist Subject is 'Randomly Shouting Out Guesses to Questions You Know Nothing About'..."

If your question concerns your golf ball, the answer is yes, I know where it is.

"I don't want them to smell fear, so I'm going to roll in something before the interview."

Personnel Office. When you go into the job interview start snooping around. I hear they're looking for somebody who checks all the boxes.

Avoid talking about personal and domestic issues at interviews, unless asked.

"I've never had a day's illness in my life. I always make it last a week."

'OK, that covers strengths. Do you have any weaknesses?'

Approval Rating

"Well, for starters, you’re holding the shovel all wrong."

'How about, 'I am dynamic and results driven.'?' - 'It needs more 'pizazz', more 'sizzle'!' - 'What about, 'I am a dynamic, results driven, innovative, highly motivated team player.'' - 'Almost perfect...' - '...just swap 'team player' for 'chubby little

'As with all the other candidates, if you could write your expected salary on this piece of paper, we can then move on to the next stage.'

'Your problem seems to be depression or angst...Depression I charge £75 a session angst is £125.'

"I was solving those same problems when I was your age."

'So, tell me about your biggest weakness...for example, wanting to be paid money.'

"I've been in this business a long time Tom, and I recognise talent when I see it...unfortunately you haven't got any!"

"Maybe when they're a little older, my son can help yours with his homework."

"It's our view that this two-tier system is unfair and divisive."

The experienced coach, like a panther, patiently awaits the precise moment to mount his challenge...

'I'm obedient and I'll work like a dog.'

'Thinking INSIDE the box is actually quite underrated!'