Conversation Guru Gifts

The Masochist.

"Liife! Give my conversation Liife!"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"National security adviser"

Create some buzz!

"Could I ask just one question?"

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

"Enough about the forest, why don't you show us more trees?"

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

"At least you don’t need a wetsuit."

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"I should warn you that many of John's thoughts are subliminal."

'To make sure I get noticed I always talk in a big bold typeface.'

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

Telephone line ends up buried in the ground with a headstone.

'My market doesn't understand me.'

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

"I can't believe you made it past our bitch receptionist."

"I'm just so relieved! I thought you didn't love me anymore, but now I realize I was just projecting!!"

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

There's a real disconnect going on here.

'We're looking for someone who can multitask - but not during the interview.'

Attention Span Man

Keys to Success: Focus, Alertness, Concentration...

'In our press release, stress that our strategic focus will be on solving society's problems. This is code for making a bundle of money.'

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'