Conversation Strategist Gifts

"She's a Democrat and he's a Republican so refrain from political talk if you want access to the hors d'oevres."

Today's alpha-lesson is called "Always Jujutsu the Suspense." If someone says "I've got a great idea" and then pauses to create suspense, that's a power-move. They want you to beg them to continue. The alpha counter-move in this case is simple. Use the suspense-monger's suspense against them: say absolutely nothing.* *This move should never, ever be applied in the boudoir.

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"Truth is relative at these reunions. It depends on which relative you talk to."

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

The bluebird of passive-aggressiveness

Suddenly, everyone spoke at once....

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

See? Whenever he's mad at me, he turns off his Touch ID sensor.

"Liife! Give my conversation Liife!"

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

"Oh, and add a couple of intentional typos to my weekly email update...I want to appear warm and authentic!!"

These young people need everything spelled out to them! I miss the old days, when a wink was a wink, and a nod was a nod.

"And just how long have you been, 5' 10"?"

Can you mumble, mumble mumble? You're mumbling. What are you saying? I'm asking for your mumble, mumble. You're asking for my help? I can't get the word out. Can I get a little mumble? Mumble.

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

"I want to forewarn you—tonight's topic seems to be phallocentrism, and Jessica is in a take-no-prisoners mood."

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

'There you go again - trying to solve my problems. I am not asking you to do that. I just want you to listen to me.'

'And now over to Mike for the video presentation...Mike?...Mike?'

"Where would you say you are on the confidence/cockiness spectrum?"

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

"You kids are losing your ability to communicate person-to-person...so we're having a good old-fashioned family talk!"

"You should hire me now, before my skills completely deteriorate."

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

"If you could have a dinner conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"

'Of course, it's your business, but I wouldn't ever start a resume with 'Once upon a time in a land far far away!''

The psychiatrist.

"Since you became a management consultant we don't seem to speak sense any more."

"He gave me an 'F' on my resume."

"You look perfectly suited for managing on the pigeons have a salary that goes with the job!"

"Effective and CLEAR communication with customers is ESSENTIAL so we're going to practise drilling down to identify core interpersonal information transfer methodologies to accelerate a meaningful dialogue."

'Him? Oh, he's my job interview coach.'