Questioning Guru Pillows

"But before I ask your name can I just check with HR that it's an appropriate line of questioning?"

'Hey! What's the big idea!?!'

'It's not surprising. The production department is in Spain, the warehouse is in Korea, the accounting division is in Bolivia, the board of directors is in Canada.'

"Liife! Give my conversation Liife!"

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

"I don't know why we try so hard to get the right answers. There isn't even a prize."

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

'We're looking for someone who can multitask - but not during the interview.'

'Of course we're a global corporation. We have mail drops throughout the world.'

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

'Yes, I am looking for an ambitious person and no,I don't have any plans to retire in the near future.'

'Just decaning the wine, Dear; I'll be in, in a sec. Someone's at the door; and oh, yeah, the dog needs to be let in.'

Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

"I don't want them to smell fear, so I'm going to roll in something before the interview."

Avoid talking about personal and domestic issues at interviews, unless asked.

'Today could well be the day...the day on which the world leaders turn to me to solve their problems...they might just leave it till tomorrow.'

"What do you mean you quit? You're not even hired yet."

"I've never had a day's illness in my life. I always make it last a week."

'OK, that covers strengths. Do you have any weaknesses?'

Approval Rating

"I was solving those same problems when I was your age."

'How about, 'I am dynamic and results driven.'?' - 'It needs more 'pizazz', more 'sizzle'!' - 'What about, 'I am a dynamic, results driven, innovative, highly motivated team player.'' - 'Almost perfect...' - '...just swap 'team player' for 'chubby little

"Well, for starters, you’re holding the shovel all wrong."

'As with all the other candidates, if you could write your expected salary on this piece of paper, we can then move on to the next stage.'

'Your problem seems to be depression or angst...Depression I charge £75 a session angst is £125.'

'So, tell me about your biggest weakness...for example, wanting to be paid money.'

"I've been in this business a long time Tom, and I recognise talent when I see it...unfortunately you haven't got any!"

"It's our view that this two-tier system is unfair and divisive."

"Maybe when they're a little older, my son can help yours with his homework."

'I'm obedient and I'll work like a dog.'

Presenting a better image

'Thinking INSIDE the box is actually quite underrated!'