Philosophy Guru Pillows

Reincarnation? It's like getting canceled, but going into syndication right away.

"It's our view that this two-tier system is unfair and divisive."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

At the 2021 Religious Games

'Hey! What's the big idea!?!'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

'It's not surprising. The production department is in Spain, the warehouse is in Korea, the accounting division is in Bolivia, the board of directors is in Canada.'

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

Kirsten Johnson

Guru.

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'Wish you wouldn't cut your nails at bedtime!'

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

OM, SWEET OM

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

'I warned him about thinking the unthinkable!'

"You've traveled all this way just to score some pot? Okay—How much do you want?"

Bearded old man atop mountain.

'I know we can't repeal the laws of nature, but I don't see why we can't amend them a little.'

'Of course we're a global corporation. We have mail drops throughout the world.'

"This is part of the privatisation I don't like."

"As for the meaning of life, it doesn't have to suck."

Still the Same

"I thought I'd be lonely at the top."

'Oh wise one - what is the secret to long life?'

Just think of meditation as "mental floss." (Published previously on 3/17/2006.)

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

Medusa's baby picture