Query Queen Gifts

Are you printing your own book? No, it's my mailing to agents!

Miss America IQ Pageant

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

The Royal Wii

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

Cell phones seem as if they are designed for a T-Rex!

'Well, you DID know this job was dangerous when you took it.'

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

'I wish you wouldn't bring work home with you!'

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."

POLLS, 'If an election were being held today....'

'Oh, that's your Grandpa -- I couldn't bring myself to cut his head off.'

'Son, isn't it about time you went out and conquered a country of your own?'

'You're just lazy! -- Don't give me that 'metal fatigue' stuff!'

'Peek inside a woman's trunk, and you peek inside a woman's heart.'

Cleopatra

"Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. I've been out of the office since I got fired."

'Every time I win an argument, he goes off on a Crusade to sulk.'

"What never fails to anger me is that I'm always identified by my man."

"And then at 3 you have a meeting with the royal pain in the butt."

"Not exactly - He believes that the ends justify BEING mean."

'You can be replaced by Harry Potter, you know!'

'I thought you and Mom didn't believe in spanking!'

'Sure, but king benefits aren't portable.'

'Believe me, son, she's a much better choice for you than that skinny girl, Cinderella!'

'Now, don't panic, but just as a precaution, I think you should put the country in your wife's name.'