Quip Queen Gifts

Women trading pick-up lines - How about, Can I throw these out of you?

Miss America IQ Pageant

"Bed Spread"

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

The Royal Wii

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

'What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?'

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

Sharp Eyes

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

Can you mumble, mumble mumble? You're mumbling. What are you saying? I'm asking for your mumble, mumble. You're asking for my help? I can't get the word out. Can I get a little mumble? Mumble.

Jokes machine.

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

Time Table

'Well, you DID know this job was dangerous when you took it.'

Bat out of Hell

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

Ask Sadie

'I wish you wouldn't bring work home with you!'

Granny Wear

"I've got a friend who thinks I'm Napoleon."

Backdoor

'Son, isn't it about time you went out and conquered a country of your own?'

'You're just lazy! -- Don't give me that 'metal fatigue' stuff!'

POLLS, 'If an election were being held today....'

'Oh, that's your Grandpa -- I couldn't bring myself to cut his head off.'

Wise Cracker

"What never fails to anger me is that I'm always identified by my man."

'Your mommy is here as you requested, sire, to check for monsters under your throne!'

'Every time I win an argument, he goes off on a Crusade to sulk.'

'His dad was a standup. He's a quip off the old block.'