Quip Queen Pillows

Women trading pick-up lines - How about, Can I throw these out of you?

"Bed Spread"

Miss America IQ Pageant

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

The Royal Wii

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

'What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?'

Sharp Eyes

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

Jokes machine.

Bat out of Hell

'Well, you DID know this job was dangerous when you took it.'

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

'I wish you wouldn't bring work home with you!'

Time Table

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

Granny Wear

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."

"I've got a friend who thinks I'm Napoleon."

Backdoor

'Every time I win an argument, he goes off on a Crusade to sulk.'

'Oh, that's your Grandpa -- I couldn't bring myself to cut his head off.'

'His dad was a standup. He's a quip off the old block.'

POLLS, 'If an election were being held today....'

"What never fails to anger me is that I'm always identified by my man."

'You're just lazy! -- Don't give me that 'metal fatigue' stuff!'

Wise Cracker

'Son, isn't it about time you went out and conquered a country of your own?'

Are you printing your own book? No, it's my mailing to agents!