Query Queen Pillows

Are you printing your own book? No, it's my mailing to agents!

Miss America IQ Pageant

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

The Royal Wii

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

Cell phones seem as if they are designed for a T-Rex!

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

'I wish you wouldn't bring work home with you!'

'Well, you DID know this job was dangerous when you took it.'

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."

"Can you perform under pressure?"

'Your mommy is here as you requested, sire, to check for monsters under your throne!'

"What never fails to anger me is that I'm always identified by my man."

'You're just lazy! -- Don't give me that 'metal fatigue' stuff!'

'Son, isn't it about time you went out and conquered a country of your own?'

'Peek inside a woman's trunk, and you peek inside a woman's heart.'

POLLS, 'If an election were being held today....'

'Every time I win an argument, he goes off on a Crusade to sulk.'

"Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. I've been out of the office since I got fired."

Cleopatra

'Oh, that's your Grandpa -- I couldn't bring myself to cut his head off.'

'You can be replaced by Harry Potter, you know!'

"And then at 3 you have a meeting with the royal pain in the butt."

"Not exactly - He believes that the ends justify BEING mean."

'Now, don't panic, but just as a precaution, I think you should put the country in your wife's name.'

'Believe me, son, she's a much better choice for you than that skinny girl, Cinderella!'

Freddie Mercury

'Sure, but king benefits aren't portable.'

Sure, it's just to find the royal remote, but a quest is a quest, Ernie!