Queen Gifts

'Don't think of it as a problem ??" think of it as an opportunity.'

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

"When did you start lining your crown with tinfoil?"

'You can be replaced by Harry Potter, you know!'

"And then at 3 you have a meeting with the royal pain in the butt."

'He threw his back out trying to balance the budget.'

'My new years resolution is to be less imperious.'

"Not exactly - He believes that the ends justify BEING mean."

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

'Mother's visiting next week, so I'd like you to lock up all the dissidents.'

'Nepotism may not be perfect, but it's the best system anybody's come up with so far.'

'Why don't they ever try to overwhelm me with tax funds?'

King Jogging With Red Carpet

'Oh, that's your Grandpa -- I couldn't bring myself to cut his head off.'

'It's not just me, you know -- your mother's at war with everybody!'

'Sure, but king benefits aren't portable.'

'Those new soldiers of yours are terrible.' 'That's just the first draft.'

'Why don't you change it to sports or cartoons or something? -- You know CNN just depresses you.'

'Parliament won't pass your immigration reform bill, Sir -- They says it discriminates against Huns.'

'I'm bushed -- Let's call it a day.'

'Well, you DID know this job was dangerous when you took it.'

'The bad news is that the economy's in the pits -- the good news is that we have virtually no illegal alien problems.'

'Oh, well -- into each life some reign must fall.'

'I am too the boss of you!'

'I thought you and Mom didn't believe in spanking!'

The Royal Wii

My first hundred days weren't all that special — I was only six.

'Actually, I'm between reigns right now.'

'I showed your petition to the King — he decided to keep you and let me go.'

'Maybe crying worked for Hillary, but it's not working for you.'

"What never fails to anger me is that I'm always identified by my man."

"No wife of mine is going to legislate!"

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

'Don't bother Daddy — he just got blackballed from the Hanseatic League.'