Queens Gifts

Elizabeth I

The Three Wise Queens

Queen of Quinoa

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

"Good news! She's asking for her Banana Republic and Williams-Sonoma catalogues."

"The end of my favorite series is near."

"I have to get down to 125 pounds before I go back to my real gym."

Test your patience, back in one hour.

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

The Royal Wii

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

'I wish you wouldn't bring work home with you!'

"I'm right off my quinoa doc."

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."

'Well, you DID know this job was dangerous when you took it.'

'Son, isn't it about time you went out and conquered a country of your own?'

POLLS, 'If an election were being held today....'

'You're just lazy! -- Don't give me that 'metal fatigue' stuff!'

Cleopatra

'Every time I win an argument, he goes off on a Crusade to sulk.'

'Oh, that's your Grandpa -- I couldn't bring myself to cut his head off.'

"What never fails to anger me is that I'm always identified by my man."

Are you printing your own book? No, it's my mailing to agents!

Pin Cushion to roll of cotton: 'Hi! I'm a pin cushion! I love my job!' Pin Cushion's reply: 'MASOCHIST!'

'You can be replaced by Harry Potter, you know!'

"Not exactly - He believes that the ends justify BEING mean."

"And then at 3 you have a meeting with the royal pain in the butt."

Bureaucracy (Murphy's law)