Queen Of The Mid-life Crown Gifts

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

'I refuse to relinquish the title, 'Top Young Exec'.'

The best way to prevent sagging is to keep eating until the wrinkles fall out.

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

Male Pattern Baldness

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

'I've added a few minutes to that hour glass figure I had in school.'

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

"This next one's for you, babe."

'I need my lifestyle validated.'

'I'm afraid my husband will stop loving me as I get older.' - 'Mine would never do that with me. You know why, don't you. He's an antique dealer.'

Getting old...

"Let's face it, Michele. We're not getting any older."

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'

'I hate it when teen angst becomes mid-age angst.'

'In denial and loving it!'

Male Mid-Life Myth--The Hair Fairy

How's your midlife crisis going, Al? That turned out to be a false alarm, doctor. Today after a heavy lunch I realized it's just a midriff crisis.

'You have no idea how difficult life can be when one is totally irresistible to men, Jane.'

Men-O-Pause Emergency Kit, contents include an inflatable trophy wife, bottle of Boca-Raw-Tan and a convincing hairpiece

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

'Listen Buddy! After the hot flushes I've been having this is like a resort!'

'No pep, shaky, noisy, overheating. Right. Anything wrong with the car?'

A middle aged cow.

'I can't go on like this Wilfred - you've changed so - You're no longer the man I married.'

"Hot flashes?"

"In layman's terms, I just rewound your biological clock."

"I'm going to get my old dog, get an old pickup, a double-barrelled shotgun, get my old pink cotton print dress, and get back on Route 66!"

birthday meets reality

'I'm not that concerned about my prostate ... I'm still trying to survive my wife's menopause.'

"I'm celebrating her turning older than me."