Quality Of Life Ponderer T-Shirts

'I'm writing you a prescription. Do you want a longer life with less quality or vice versa?'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"But what if this is all there is?"

'I'm not sure what I want out of life, but I want a lot of it.'

The meaning of life is to avoid falling rocks

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"Death coach..."

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

Max Weber

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

'I've got a highspeed connection and I get spam... therefore I am!'

Telling Self to Buzz Off

Baxter finally gets a life

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Truth

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

I see

Wally dozes off in the middle of his mid-life crisis.

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

"In a former life, I was exactly the same."

"Woah - random!"

Caption Contest TK

"Last time I saw you, you were just a baby."