Quality Of Life Ponderer Pillows

'I'm writing you a prescription. Do you want a longer life with less quality or vice versa?'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"But what if this is all there is?"

'I'm not sure what I want out of life, but I want a lot of it.'

"Death coach..."

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

The meaning of life is to avoid falling rocks

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

Max Weber

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

'I've got a highspeed connection and I get spam... therefore I am!'

Telling Self to Buzz Off

Baxter finally gets a life

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

Truth

"Last time I saw you, you were just a baby."

Caption Contest TK

"Woah - random!"

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

"All of my friends are imaginary."

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

Wally dozes off in the middle of his mid-life crisis.

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

"In a former life, I was exactly the same."

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions