Quality Of Life Seeker T-Shirts

'Yes, it all comes down to quality of life. An inheritance sure would help.'

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

“It's $195 million. Now, I know what you're thinking: 'OK, what's the catch?'”

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

'Our health-care system - eat organically.'

"That's good. Now extend the fingers and lose the attitude."

Ego Increasing School

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

Doctor to Banana: 'Looks like you're going to a ripe old age.'

'But do you realize what this report cart will do to my self-esteem?'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'Welcome to the first meeting of the Shy Men Club.'

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

"Oh f*ck yes. Let's make these f*ckers live for-f*cking-ever."

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"Now that you mention it, I have to admit, the daily grind IS starting to get to me!"

Me when by BDD shows up

That's It

Cures for the void.

Win-win. Whenever I hear that from you, I want to hide under the counter. New research shows the only proven way to prolong life is caloric restriction. Eat less, live longer. Introducing our new breakfast meal plan: The Fountain of Youth. You get half a muffin and half a glass of water. Sounds meager. Exactly. That's why we're charging $16. But a full muffin only costs $4. And it won't prolong your life. Can you even put a price on immortality? How much should we charge for an empty plate of ai

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

Three cases of therapy-resistant low self-esteem

Laughter Therapy.

'St John's wort ambulance' - hippy ambulance.

'Everything looks good, Now, we'll just bring in the company psychic to see if you have any pre-existing conditions from a previous life.'

'And also, no cigarettes, no cigars, no alcohol,no sweets,no dairy products, no bacon, no ham...'

"You're carrying a lot of tension in your neck."

'Doc, my problem is that I don't believe in myself!'