Quality Of Life Seeker T-Shirts

'Yes, it all comes down to quality of life. An inheritance sure would help.'

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

“It's $195 million. Now, I know what you're thinking: 'OK, what's the catch?'”

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

'Our health-care system - eat organically.'

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

Ego Increasing School

"That's good. Now extend the fingers and lose the attitude."

Doctor to Banana: 'Looks like you're going to a ripe old age.'

'But do you realize what this report cart will do to my self-esteem?'

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'Welcome to the first meeting of the Shy Men Club.'

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

"Now that you mention it, I have to admit, the daily grind IS starting to get to me!"

"Oh f*ck yes. Let's make these f*ckers live for-f*cking-ever."

Me when by BDD shows up

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

Three cases of therapy-resistant low self-esteem

Cures for the void.

Laughter Therapy.

'St John's wort ambulance' - hippy ambulance.

'Everything looks good, Now, we'll just bring in the company psychic to see if you have any pre-existing conditions from a previous life.'

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

'And also, no cigarettes, no cigars, no alcohol,no sweets,no dairy products, no bacon, no ham...'

'Doc, my problem is that I don't believe in myself!'

"You're carrying a lot of tension in your neck."