Quacker Tracker T-Shirts

'And when you're flying South...avoid Peking.'

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"Elementary, my dear Quackson."

Inflatable Duck Boat

Explorer with enormous magnifying glass.

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

'That's a quack-quack'. Ornithological conference.

Lyme Disease Research Lab

'If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it' actually a gene-modified flounder.'

"Honesty, I saw a train yesterday"

'Weird ... the footprints just seem to end right here.'

'Sure, long waits don't bother you. You've served time.'

My fitness tracker said I was dead but I thought I'd better get a second opinion

'Well you certainly walk like a duck and quack like a duck.'

'There's something about that Indian scout I don't trust.'

'Dinosaur footprints!'

Veterinary Clinic. No, it's not a "wading" room.

'We'll put our horses in 'Do Not Track' mode by going through this stream bed.'

'OK, now I'm freaked out. How'd he get my cell phone number?'

"It's okay, I'm actually just a flamboyantly-costumed osteopath."

"Betty, we're paying through the nose for that plastic surgery! Just look at that visa and discovery bill!"

"I haven't slept well since you pointed out that these modeling sessions are a form of betrayal."

'Maybe you just can't have hope and change at the same TIME.'

'Tell me. How many acupuncture treatments did doctor Wing give you?'

'Took me all night to write that message.'

'To tell you the truth I don't what it is.'

Abrupt end to Red Feather's scouting career.

"Decaf. They can't be far away."

"Forget 10,000 steps. I've programmed it to help me reach 10,000 dollars a day."

"How the hell does he do that?"

The Thrilla at Hofstra

'As you may know, I'll retire in a few weeks but you better not think that I'm a lame duck now!'

'The tracks are getting fresher. He's close by.'