Comedy Quacker T-Shirts

"Elementary, my dear Quackson."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Optimist

'Thanks, we really appreciate this. Yeah, the middle button. Don't worry, it's auto-focus - just aim and shoot.'

Inflatable Duck Boat

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

"You don't need a duck call. I can just download this Find-a-Fowl app."

'Save your money - he's a quack.'

"I could have sworn I had three sausages!"

"One group gets tiny copies of the 'Times,' the other gets tiny copies of the 'Post.'"

'That's a quack-quack'. Ornithological conference.

'If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it' actually a gene-modified flounder.'

"She thought he was a good listener. Turns out he was a decoy."

You heard right - one large cheese pizza, and tell the driver to take it out of the box and leave it in the yard,

Fred questions whether Dr. McWit's Quick Draw Stress Tests are AMA approved.

"Aha! - Proof that this is definitely an iron-age site..."

'Well you certainly walk like a duck and quack like a duck.'

"Two minutes out of the water and he's already evolvier-than-thou."

Funeral for a Cartoonist

Veterinary Clinic. No, it's not a "wading" room.

'Jill, come take a look at Mr. Bolinder's EKG!'

'OK, now I'm freaked out. How'd he get my cell phone number?'

"I haven't slept well since you pointed out that these modeling sessions are a form of betrayal."

Pick your own fruit - Pick your own nose

'Tell me. How many acupuncture treatments did doctor Wing give you?'

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Rocks The Vote

"Betty, we're paying through the nose for that plastic surgery! Just look at that visa and discovery bill!"

Uri Geller's cutlery drawer. All of the spoons in the drawer a bent.

Guy hanging in dungeon to other: 'Are you sure this chiropractor is licensed?'

"Your lives will continue to stink until you find your center."

"OK so - this might sound kinda crazy - but what do you think of me peeing on you?"

"Oh man, I knew I shouldn't have nibbled those mushrooms."