Purring Connoisseur Gifts

'Relax - TV brings you a commercial - free hour of a purring kitten...

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

"I'm still looking for the lap of luxury."

Theatre Crowd

"It's a play on words."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Pet Cemetery.

Imagine

"My favourite movie is Mrs Fire, without doubt."

Crazy old clown cat lady.

You guys were right! Screaming profanities is more satisfying than howling these days.

Sculptor's chippings

Clown's In and Out Trays.

'Turns out medicine is the best medicine.'

A Semicolon.

"It says it's the vodka that's distilled twenty-nine times - they just can't seem to get it right."

'Take a picture...it'll last longer.'

"I'd like a wine that was born in France and then bummed around California."

'The Entrecote a la Bordelaise? It's stuff on a plate.'

Clown Watercooler

"Oh, it's not just the sign. Everything here is set in Comic Sans."

'He can toot his own horn but when he starts tooting the government's we need to step in.'

His real name is Jasper Underwood Farthington III...but we just call him 'Stinky'.

Pizza and Related Searches.

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

Looks like this is the only contest Fluffy has a chance of winning today!

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

'Sometimes I think I spoil you Tiddles!'

Now Showing: "Mucky Wucky" Rated Z. That means Roger Ebert slept through it.

Blue wine

'You think you can purr your way out of anything, don't you?'

St. Patrick's Day

'Oh, the irony! Just guess who gave me the welfare check I bought this sign with!'