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'But you can't be a real boy, Pinocchio... you were made with artificial sperm.'

Pinocchio Confuses His Nose

"One more time... who keeps kicking litter all over the floor?"

"My real son was made of wood."

"I'm telling you, Frank, it's getting to the point where I'm seeing muppets all over the damn place."

"You have one, two, three months to live."

Doctor to Pinocchio: 'I'm referring you to a tree surgeon.'

The new Putin collection! Trumpers*! Perfect for colluding with friends!

"I like everything except the hot tub. I haven't been varnished in a while."

Ventriloquist and dummies.

Pinoccio visirs his birth mother

"This can't be good."

A Puppet Named Juan

"Don't get strung out by the way I look, don't judge a book by its cover."

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

Dead Funny

'1,2,3 4,5,6 7,8,9...'It's the little things that count.(little figurines counting).

Woman setting out a dinner party with name cards labeled cat person, dog person.

'He does.'

Sock Puppet in Literature

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

'What? You ate the gateau instead of throwing it into my face?? You insensitive, egotistical brute! You don't love me anymore!'

"I believe we have a quorum for the meeting."

'Why, I don't exactly know -- how long HAVE we been here, Bobo?'

A Punch and Judy Professor is visited by Death as a puppet.

'I sort of thought your presentation was going to be in powerpoint.'

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."

Octopus Puppet Show (colour)

'Oh, I don't have a problem, doc. My friend here has a problem.'

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

"I was going to get a cat but they had an offer on."

"You'll regret saying that, I'll get my own back in tomorrow's performance - you'll never work again!"

"At bonus time, just don't forget where you get your intellectual property."

"I don't know, do you think we evolved from the sock monkey?"