Punny Punchline Lover Pillows

"I'm watching the fashion show. It's clothes captioned."

"It can't be much of a life working all day, but at least he gets to wear a stripey jersey."

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

'DO you know what time we start here?'

Australian Mobile Bar

"Extreme? Maybe. But I have the best behaved school in the district."

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

'That was Mr.Osgood, sir. He's just made his final payment.'

Chicken: the one-man show

Husband / Wife / On The Side

Signs reads 'Do Not Feed the Boids.'

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

'Look, I don't want any funny business.'

'Wow...This could be the beginning of a fantastic career...A sales coach is waiting for you. He wants to hire you as a bad example.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"I'll have what he's having."

'Don't get up until nine.' - 'What time is it now?'

"...And I don't want any resentments just because someone hits below the belt..."

"I'm dating a much younger guy....makes sense, my ex was a cheetah."

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'

Cat's Tongue

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

"Your early stuff was funnier."

'I just had to come over...You caught my eye.'

'I heard he was funny.'

'You had a lunch date, but I cancelled it because it was your turn to pay.'

'So, Harkness, I see that you have a very checkered background!'

"Do you remember what you had for lunch last Thursday?"