Punny Humor Lover Pillows

'So, Harkness, I see that you have a very checkered background!'

'I'm seriously thinking of firing you as my lawyer.'

"It can't be much of a life working all day, but at least he gets to wear a stripey jersey."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

"How's this? Hot enough for you?"

Funky Facts: Elephants.

"Extreme? Maybe. But I have the best behaved school in the district."

Flytrap nerd.

Signs reads 'Do Not Feed the Boids.'

Social median

"Waiter! - will my pizza be long?"

'Fancy doing a Motorway this weekend?'

"Do you remember what you had for lunch last Thursday?"

"Can I get you your bill sir?"

'Tom, you have always had a great ear for music.'

"Hey, look on the bright side, at least we're not wine coolers."

'Not that sort of pool party.'

Superheroes queue for medicine.

"Avast - it's Mobius Dick, the one-sided whale."

'I'm doggie bagging it today.'

Desert crawler sees 'No Crawling' sign.

Picking Brains

'Wait, Jethro! In the hanky directions for use it reads, FIRST clean your specs, THEN clean your nose!'

'Philosophize!'

In hindsight, Giovanni realised that it was probably a bad idea hiring a builder with a short leg!

Devil to computer salesman: 'Does it come with firewire'

Woman tanning at beach pops out of a giant toaster.

'Mom got our cells mixed up again.'

"Don't be embarrassed. Lots of men your age use Miracle-Gro."

'Dolores, cancel Mr. Rubin's transplant surgery. He's had a change of heart about his change of heart.'

'Now that's something you don't see every day!'

Sheep drinking 'Lamb Rusco' wine.

Aa falconer looses his arm to his peregrine falcon.