Puns And Jokes Lover Pillows

Woman tanning at beach pops out of a giant toaster.

"It can't be much of a life working all day, but at least he gets to wear a stripey jersey."

"Merry Christmas"

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

"Extreme? Maybe. But I have the best behaved school in the district."

Full System Scan

'You say you're having trouble seeing the future.'

"You have a divine right - and the left isn't bad either."

"I see you ladies are admiring the Tuscan Blue."

Signs reads 'Do Not Feed the Boids.'

The Big Cheese

Pontius Pilates

Insomnia

"You tend to clam up, Wally, you need to come out of your shell!"

bitter lemon...

'No. . . this isn't the fiscal cliff.'

"Every night it's Roll Play with you."

'See what happens when you forget to feed your pet?'

'So, Harkness, I see that you have a very checkered background!'

"Carl has decided that, with the economy being the way it is, he's going to be a stay at home son."

Freebies.

I'm between jobs right now.

Caterpilsner

TV Dinners: 'Antenna, cable, satellite dish,'

"Does this one come extra-large?"

"Avast - it's Mobius Dick, the one-sided whale."

'Mr Campbell, complete the saying 'there's no smoke without...'' 'Mirrors.'

'Naturally, he feels humiliated. Twenty-five years of teaching math and he takes a pi to the face.'

'Son,you're beginning to get on my wick.'

"Dog star"