Puns And Jokes Lover Pillows

Woman tanning at beach pops out of a giant toaster.

Mount Olympus Brewery. Those might be dangerous to open. They're Pandora's Bocks.

"It can't be much of a life working all day, but at least he gets to wear a stripey jersey."

"Merry Christmas"

Frank, you had to get a second job? I should have read the fine print on that investment that guaranteed I'd "clean up"!

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

Full System Scan

"Extreme? Maybe. But I have the best behaved school in the district."

'You say you're having trouble seeing the future.'

"You have a divine right - and the left isn't bad either."

Signs reads 'Do Not Feed the Boids.'

"I see you ladies are admiring the Tuscan Blue."

The Big Cheese

'Honey, you still look like a 10 to me...'

"You tend to clam up, Wally, you need to come out of your shell!"

Insomnia

bitter lemon...

Pontius Pilates

'No. . . this isn't the fiscal cliff.'

"Every night it's Roll Play with you."

Catfish.

Early Greek Humor. I love Aristotle, but oh, Eu-clid!

'So, Harkness, I see that you have a very checkered background!'

'See what happens when you forget to feed your pet?'

"Carl has decided that, with the economy being the way it is, he's going to be a stay at home son."

Freebies.

TV Dinners: 'Antenna, cable, satellite dish,'

"Avast - it's Mobius Dick, the one-sided whale."

"Does this one come extra-large?"

I'm between jobs right now.

Caterpilsner

'Mr Campbell, complete the saying 'there's no smoke without...'' 'Mirrors.'

"It's nothing serious...just a flooded engine."

'Naturally, he feels humiliated. Twenty-five years of teaching math and he takes a pi to the face.'

'Wait, Jethro! In the hanky directions for use it reads, FIRST clean your specs, THEN clean your nose!'