Punning Playwright Gifts

'Hard to follow...'

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

"They're not Levi Strauss - they're not Levi Tate."

How The Sausage Is Eaten

K9 Literati

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

'Out, damned Spot.'

Tequila Mockingbird

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

"Okay, quote me. I'm on the record."

Garden of Eden and scrumping

Bookworm in book, sign reads: 'Tome, Sweet Tome.'

2B or not 2B

"YAY! FREE SHIPPING!"

"This, Yorik... Do you know him well?"

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

Optometrist Humor

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Self Raising Flour

Alternative Dickens: Oliver, having received more, requests a doggy bag.

"We should have taken a eweber."

Lit. Exam. I carefully read "Ulysses," "Dubliners" and "Finnegans Wake," but I was kicked out by the teacher for calling the exam a "multiple-Joyce" test.

Since you conduct only thought-experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought-results.

Valentines for Things

Blue Tit Bank.

"I'm married to a control freak!"

'Blasphemous? Christ no!'

Baroque Dance Studio

'The frowsting bacchant kept his shelty vicinal.'

Literary discovery - Shakespeare's plays were not written by Shakespeare, but by an entirely different person (who also happened to be named William Shakespeare).

'I only collect ghost-written books.'

Creation: The Snooker Theory

Chick stands in front of bookshelf marked 'chick lit'

Wordilly Durdillies - Unidentified frying object