Punmeister Pillows

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

I will study my speling words...

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

"Bed Spread"

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

Sweep the board.

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"Scotch and water musick."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

Dogs life

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

'Do you know how fast you were going?'