Punsmith Pillows

"Scotch and water musick."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

I will study my speling words...

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

Sweep the board.

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

"Bed Spread"

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

"Privates Beach"

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Dogs life

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

'Do you know how fast you were going?'

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"