Punsmith Gifts

"Scotch and water musick."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

I will study my speling words...

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

Intelligent people laugh too!

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

Assault 'n' Vinegar

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'Roget it's fantastic, superb, extraordinary...where on earth did you get the idea?'

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

Sweep the board.

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"Bed Spread"

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"Privates Beach"

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

Dogs life

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

'Do you know how fast you were going?'

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

"Relax, Ferguson, I'll have it with you by end of play."